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10 Unorthodox Leather Care Tips You Won’t Hear Anywhere Else

Ah, leather—nature’s own fashion statement, the epitome of luxury and durability.

But hey, who needs that durability when you’ve got some stellarly terrible advice to follow? Strap in, folks, because we’re about to embark on a journey of leather care tips that are so bad, only Fibrenew will be able to correct them.

a carefree hippo massaging a leather couch

Pet Parade

Let your domestic dogs, cats, pigs, goats, hippos, or anything else stampede over your leather furniture as often as possible. The resulting excessive and enthusiastic kneading of the material will act like a pampering mud bath that massages and softens the leather up to be enjoyed to the fullest.

muddy animals put their pawprints all over the beautiful leather sofa

Coca-Cola Conditioning

Yep, you read that right. Forget those fancy leather conditioners; all you need is a bottle of good ol’ Coca-Cola. Just douse your leather in the sugary elixir, let it soak, and voila! Your leather will be as supple as a soggy sponge. And hey, if it attracts ants, well, that’s just nature’s way of saying, “Thanks for the laugh.”

a man reflects on the consequences of using coca-cola to condition his leather car seats

Microwaved Moisture

Who has time to air dry? Simply pop your wet leather goods into the microwave for a quick blast of warmth. Be sure to set it on high for maximum effect. Don’t worry about any potential shrinkage or crispy edges—those are just signs that your leather is becoming one with its inner potato chip.

a mischievous smile on a man's face as he microwaves leather to dry it out

Sofa Sunbathing

Leather needs its vitamin D too, right? Take your leather out for a day at the beach, lay it out on a towel, and let it soak up those rays. Never mind the risk of sunburn (yes, leather can get sunburned—it’s a lesser-known fact). Just think of it as giving your leather a healthy glow, or perhaps a stylish case of melanoma.

a couch personified with sunglasses and a hat enjoys some rays at the beach

Bleached Brightness

Got a pesky stain on your leather? No problem! Break out the bleach and watch those stains disappear before your very eyes. Sure, it might also dissolve the leather along with the stain, but hey, at least it’s clean, right?

a man panics after spilling bleach on his leather boat seats

Butter Buffing

Smooth out those leather wrinkles with a generous slathering of butter. Who needs expensive leather creams when you’ve got dairy products lying around? Just be prepared for the inevitable greasy aftermath and potential attraction of dairy-loving pests.

a grinning dentist uses his tools to apply butter to his leather patient seat

Duct-Tape Dilemma

Got a pesky tear in your leather? Patch it up with some trusty duct tape! It’s strong, it’s versatile, and it’s the epitome of DIY elegance. Just ignore the sticky residue and inevitable peeling—nothing says ‘class’ like a patchwork of silver tape.

an upscale restaurant with industrial decor utilizes duct tape to patch up their fine leather seating

Fireplace Finish

Looking to add some rustic charm to your leather? Expose it to the cozy warmth of a crackling fireplace. Sure, there’s a slight risk of spontaneous combustion, but think of the Instagram-worthy photo op! Who needs safety when you can have aesthetic?

a leather chair placed precariously close to a roaring fireplace

Sandpaper Smoothness

Want that vintage, distressed look for your leather? Grab some sandpaper and go to town! Sure, you might end up with a texture resembling a moonscape, but hey, imperfections are in, right? Embrace the rugged charm of unintentional destruction.

an oblivious hipster uses sandpaper on the lather interior of his vintage RV

Tar Therapy

Want to toughen up your leather? Give it a spa day in a vat of tar. Not only will it waterproof your leather, but it’ll also provide a stylish, avant-garde sheen. Just hope you don’t mind the lingering smell of industrial-grade despair.

a man brushes hot tar on his modern leather couch to polish it up

So there you have it, folks—the worst leather care advice you’re likely to encounter.

For real, though, if your leather goods have suffered from any of the above predicaments, contact your local Fibrenew pro to take care of it for an incredible price.

April fools!

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Fibrenew is a mobile service franchise that specializes in the repair, restoration, and renewal of leather, plastic, vinyl, fabric, and upholstery.

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